The French Convention.

This has nothing to do with a certain film.

A long, long time ago, there was a huge drug-running scheme going on over the Atlantic. Since it was such a long time ago, the runners all had names like Um and Ogg and Piss. One day a runner called Eek was down at the wharves.
Eek spotted something that looked like a bag of pure guano. He was very excited, since pure dinosaur guano (the best kind) is very expensive. He ran over and picked the bag up. Then a load of policeOgs came out from behind the ships and hit Eek over the head with their clubs and dragged him off.

Eek was very stupid. Never pick up dinosaur guano. Not even in a bag.

An Unfortunate Series of Events Concerning Fire and Brimstone

The other day I was thinking, which I tend to do, and suddenly I thought, I wonder if Charon gets pissed off with all the wierdos he has to ship over to hell? So I wrote a little play/poem thingy about Charon which made me laugh and made my dad scared.

Charon and the Priest.

P: Is this the boat to Heaven?

C: Heaven? No such place mate

P: Good, good.

C: It’s just a place that slacker Adam made up so that Mankind wouldn’t mind dying.

P: One more for the Pearly Gates here.

C: Pearly Gates? Oh, you mean the retirement home.

P: Yes, I'm going straight to the top.

C: Apollo’s gone south already.

P: Our Lord’s going to reward me, I tell you.

C: Terrible state he’s in.

P: I tell you, the things I’ve done in His name…

C: Drooling everywhere…

P: A week in a Tibetan monastery to ‘find the other side’

C: really

P: All that happened is I died.

C: tragedy

P: Bloody Abbot.

C: Eh?

P: Bet it was him put those mushrooms in my soup.

C: Pffffff…

P: Gosh, are we here already?

C: How time flies.

P: Better get going.

C: yeah

P: Don’t want to be late!

C: Oh Christ

P: Yoohoo? Peter? Anyone home…

C: Bloody weirdos…

I can just see the look of bemusement...