I know I've already posted today, but I'm bored and I haven't moved my ass off this seat for seven hours. (By the way, the beginning is tedious but just keeep going!)
At the start of consciousness, there were the Fantasy Children, and they lived in a land which was covered in snow all year. They ate wolverine and squirrel meat and made huts out of pine branches and wolf skins. They wore wolf skins and boots and they didn't eat the wolf meat because it was considered bad luck. They worshipped the Sky God, Yuri, who was a big, beautiful woman, and who was also called Created All Things. There were, at first, only two Fantasy Children; a boy, Yoruba, and a girl, Morishka. Yoruba built the houses and Morishka hunted the wolverines, because Morishka was the Daughter of Yuri and she could Sing All Things To Her. So Morishka sang the wolverine song and killed the wolverines and the squirrels, and Yoruba cut branches and stretched hides and cooked and dried meat.
Every summer they moved North to worship Yuri Created All Things by sacrificing a third of their hunts. Morishka pulled the sled and Yoruba walked behind and they went to the Summer Caves where the snow was thick and the wolverine fat.
One evening they were sitting around their campfire and Morishka looked up into the starry sky and said, "I want a baby."
Yoruba stared at her. "What?" he said.
Morishka scowled. She hated being asked pointless questions. "I want a baby," she repeated.
Yoruba was shocked. "How?" he said helplessly.
Morishka sighed. This was clearly going to be more difficult than she had bargained for.
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Morishka and Yoruba saw the dawn through the roof of the tent.
"It's dawn," said Yoruba. Morishka scowled.
"I know..." she said.
Later that day, the darkness came down suddenly, and the Fire In The Sky Colours played over the stars. Morishka and Yoruba fell to their knees in the snow, wincing slightly because it is not comfortable to fall onto compacted snow with only a layer of mangy fur between you and it, because The Fire In The Sky Colours meant Yuri Created All Things Was Coming.
Morishka looked up. Striding out of the sky was a huge, beautiful woman with breasts like a pregnant wolverine and a conveniently placed toga. "Yuri Created All Things!" Morishka hissed, poking Yoruba in the ribs. Yoruba fell over. Morishka pulled him up by the ears.
"Morishka," Fig said.
"Yuri Created All Things," Morishka replied.
"Have a baby," Fig said, holding a baby girl out on her fingertip.
Morishka stared at it.
"Are you sure?" she said.
"Oh, yeah," said Fig. "I've got more than I need at the moment. Overproduction..."
"Er...Thanks," Morishka said, taking the baby off of Fig's finger.
"Any time," Fig said. She paused a moment, and leant down and whispered in Morishka's ear.
"Really? That small?" Morishka asked, amazed. Fig nodded. Both of them grinned.
"I can hear every word you're saying!" Yoruba said indignantly from the snow.
This story proves that Hot Sex In A Tent possibly created Russia as we know it, and that all things are possible if you want them enough.
This is normal.
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